4 year old child
Sitting, Watching TV
My father walks in
He sits in his favorite chair
Paper in hand and his tea
“Daddy.” I said
A sigh is all I heard
Looking back I know
I know what it meant
“Oh God, no
Not another debate!”
The rustling of paper
Thunk of the cup being put down
“Daddy.”
A sigh again
“Yes dear.”
“I have a question.” I said
“Of course you do!”
Behind the noise of the TV
A silence
A dread
A pending debate
"Daddy, Why do they paint the faces on TV?"
A rough rustle of paper
As he puts down on his lap
"They don't." he said very sternly
So I asked
"Then why are they darker than me?"
A slight pause
He had half a smile
A twinkle in his eyes
"Because God made them that way."
"Oh." I said
"Do they live far away?"
You have to understand
1974 there were not many
In my 4 year old little corner of town
In the corner of my world
My Daddy smiled
"I'll show you." he said
We took a trip
Off to another town
A community within the big city
I never cared about labels or colors
It was the first time I noticed
hmmm
I was taught to refer
Well to refer by naming
Culture as show of respect
For Heritage
For Religion
For Race
To be proud of my friends
To be accepting of everything they are
To Respect
So here we went
An African Canadian Christian Church
The music
The songs
Beautiful
The pure, undeniable faith
Eyes of wonder
I behaved
At the end of service
The Minister came to see us
We
Well
We looked out of place
He smiled and shook my hand
I looked up at Daddy
I asked
"Why isn't our church this fun?"
A serious question
To the 4 year old me
A gentle clip
The ringlets shook on my head
I knew I said something wrong
Something out of place
The minister laughed
We talked and talked
I am pretty sure
Topics deliberately left unsaid
Off to the road again
Another special place
Teepees, feathers, bells and dance
Beautiful
The same emotions as before
Pure, undeniable faith
I looked up at Daddy
and smiled
Quickly I learned the earlier mistake
We talked and talked
All was ok in my new expanded world
We went home
Quiet was this trip
Home
My father asked
As only he could
That sigh of...
"What are you thinking?"
I looked at him
Very serious indeed
Said plainly and blunt
"Why do they not live round here?"
A topic in which I am certain
Was hidden all day
A topic I know now
He had hoped
Would stay at bay
Yet, there it was plainly
He explained segregation and prejudice
History and its hate
Once I understood
I threw a temper tantrum
As only a 4 year old could
Tears, angers, frustration
Lack of words
Moments passed
Hands on my hips
Foot stomped the ground
"I won't ever be like that."
A determined declaration
My Daddy nodded and smiled
He knew I understood
Years have passed
So much more
Never wavering
Never failing
To this day
I know
My mind
My heart
My soul
My Daddy's pride
In rising above
In being so much more
Names in Respect
Are not labels
Names in Respect
Shows the world and person
Consideration
Reflection
Acceptance
All that they are
My Daddy's pride
The little 4 year old me
Still lives inside.
BNS
